APARTMENT HUNT

So here's the story. Jon and I thought we had this nice two bedroom, two bathroom apartment all lined up. We thought everything was going smoothly and we would have this place by Monday. Well it's not happening. The landlord (who owns the building, he doesn't just manage it) raised the monthly rent by $50 AFTER we had filled out the application. Sketchy! If he's comfortable doing something like that what else is he capable of? We didn't want to find out.

So Jon, being the amazing man he is, found a different place in Dedham. It's a townhouse so that means two floors and a basement! There's a washer and dryer that would be all ours. The kitchen looks nice and very cookable. It looks new and clean. Spacious. I'm excited to have two floors! Jon is over there right now talking to the owner ironing things out. His credit should check out just fine. He's a good, responsible boy. I trust him to ask all the right questions and to let me know about anything important. Hopefully we can get all this sorted and have a place to live by next week. That's the most important thing. I'm going to be there on Wednesday the 20th so we NEED to have a place by then. Jon will make it happen.

I wish I could be there with him. He sounds so stressed and run down on the phone and it breaks my heart. He's doing all of this on his own. My only contribution has been the money from my grandparents. I just want to give him a hug. I think he really needs one right now. Sex would be nice too but we'll have to wait until Wed for that. Le sigh.

So that's what's up. We're working on it! I'm packing up my things (finally) and trying to mentally prepare for the grueling flight from Salt Lake City to Boston. At least it's over night so hopefully I can sleep a little? Maybe.

The dog and cat are all ready to go accept that Orson needs a certificate of health but that's easy peasy. Just plop him on the vet's table, a few pokes and prods and he'll be pronounced healthy as a bull moose. Only smaller. And sweeter. <3

SLACKER

I haven't been doing much of anything out here. It's like being marooned on a deserted island. I see about as many people as you would see on a desolate little island in the middle of the pacific and there's about as much to do. So I sit, I read, I do stupid stuff online. I ran out of pink yarn so I can't finish the scarf I was working on. It's too hot to cast any resin. Thank goodness for the Harry Potter books or I'd be a pathetic blob of pudding sobbing on my bed.

It takes so much WORK not to go totally nuts. Being bored is getting on the express train to Crazy Town. Having nothing to keep you occupied while you worry about stuff you can't do anything about isn't healthy. I've had way too much time to think about everything and that leads to doubting myself and other people in my life. Most of me knows that it's temporary, it'll be over forever once I get to Boston. There's this little part of me that keeps saying that I'll never get there. This little, evil, nagging voice keeps telling me that things will be different between Jon and I. That I can't trust him. I keep having to fight down this feeling that he's sick of me. I don't know if it's because having a relationship over the phone is one of the hardest (and worst) things to do... Or maybe I'm sick of myself - and feeling like this - so I expect everyone else to hate my attitude too. I know I haven't been easy to listen to. I know it's hard to be Jon in this situation. He can't help me at all accept by finding us a house, and he's working on that.

I just can't shake these yucky feelings that everything is wrong. All I can do is hope that I'll feel better once I'm not in Moab Utah anymore.

SOON

Jon is getting the rental trailer from U-Haul on the 2nd of August! That's so soon. This whole moving in together, starting a new life in a new place with all it's joys and uncertainties THING, really hit me the other day. It's really happening. I'm out of college and it's time to be part of the world. I don't really know what that means beyond getting a job and paying bills. I'm not thrilled about the paying bills thing but I'm looking forward to having a job. Of course I can only say that because I have next to no job experience. That means getting my first job is going to be hard. No one wants to hire someone without experience and it seems very unlikely that I'll be able to find an art type job right away. I'm hoping to work at the Apple Store or maybe get a job at a little boutique or something. If I work at a little boutique maybe they'd be interested in selling my work. I want to keep making crafty stuff, keep working with resin and fabric and yarn but it's not going to pay my bills right now. I'm just not making any sales. I think being in a big city where I can do some serious not-on-the-internet networking might help but I don't know. I need to remember to give my friends my business cards so that they can hand them out when they get compliments on their resin stuff. I've given resin necklaces to a lot of my friends or sold them on for cheap because I love them but I need to eat. They say they get lots of compliments but I keep forgetting to give them business cards. I know where they live though! I'll send everyone some cards as soon as I can remember to do it. Yeah.

My mother made the suggestion of race coaching at the nearest ski resort. She said there's one about an hour outside of Boston. That's a really awesome idea. I fo sho want to ski as much as I can but Jon and I aren't going to have a car. Maybe there's a shuttle or something that goes every weekend or even just once in a while? I don't even know the name of the resort. I should find this stuff out. I would love to coach little girls in ski racing. I loved it, I learned so much and I'm sure I have lots to teach. I also know that having a female coach was one of the best and most important parts of racing for me. I met strong, intelligent women who could ski the pants off most guys. I met women who could stand up to a WHOLE bunch of men and maintain their poise. I really learned from those women. They understood that girls ski a little differently because they went through it. They know that having hips, boobs, and a butt change your balance. I learned by watching them, emulating the way they moved their bodies when they bombed down the hill. I wanted to be fast, strong, and confident. I'm at least strong and confident when I'm on my skiis. I never got all that fast but mostly that was fear of getting hurt. I can go pretty damn fast though. :D

We'll see what the future has in store when we get there. It's not time yet, there's nothing I can do to get a job right now. I'll try and use this time to write a résumé if I can figure out how to actually do that. I'll try to add anything I can think of on there as "special skills" like that I can speak some Japanese and I know how to make molds and cold cast. I can crochet and sew and pour resin. I know how to weld with acetaline. Arch welding startles me cause the spark makes a loud noise and the welding mask doesn't help cause you can hardly see a thing unless there's a spark. It's no good. I'll take acetaline any day. What else do I know how to do? I can draw! And I know more than your average bear about web design, Photoshop, and Illustrator. I can pick up new computer skills pretty fucking fast. I type like a dynamo! Whatever that means. I think it means I type really fast and well. I know how to do some video editing. I know how to etch and I could figure out how to screen print quickly. I understand everything about it in theory I've just never applied that knowledge to the practice of silkscreening.

I want to take all these skills and apply them to my own creative business. I want to make stuff for people to wear and enjoy. I want to do this mostly so that I have the cutest stuff around but I would love to share so that other people can have cutesy things too. I might make some stuff some day that isn't all that cute. It might be scary or weird or ugly even. I just want to make cool stuff that I would want to wear or own for other people to wear or own. I don't think I would ever make something that I wouldn't wear proudly on my own self.

THIS ENTRY IS LONG AND RAMBLY WITH NO REAL PLOT OR DESIGN. YAY!

CROCHET

I'm learning the ancient and awesome art of crochet! I've learned how to chain, how to single crochet, and double crochet. I learned how to start an amigurumi ball and if I just kept going with it I could probably finish and amigurumi ball. I understand the CONCEPT of decreasing but I haven't tried it myself yet. It's the neatest thing I've learned in a long time! I've been experimenting with making circles different ways and sizes with different stitches. I learned that by increasing the circle way more than you need to you end up with ruffles! That's really good to know. I bet I could make a circle with ruffly edges now.

I have this problem though. I want to do EVERYTHING. I want to be able to crochet any shape I want at will, I want to be able to make awesome resin jewelry, I want to design and sew clothes. I've always been the kind of person with a lot of interests and one medium has never been able to satisfy me fully. I always want to know more, do more. That all takes TIME though and I hate being a beginner! I get frustraited and have no patience for myself and the time it takes to actually learn something. The upside is that I know how to do a lot of basic stuff in a lot of different media. The drawback is I don't really know how to do much of the fancy stuff that takes years of practicing that one medium until you know EVERYTHING about it. Of course, if I keep up my dabbling eventually I'll have enough experience in all these skills to do the fancy stuff. But it'll take me twice the time it would take someone who was just focusing on that one craft. I'm ok with that though.

I think crocheting is a great thing for me to learn. My mother and her mother (my grandmother) are both master knitters. I tried learning to knit on several occasions but it never stuck. Maybe because knitting is too structured. I think crocheting will stick with me because it's more free flowing and intuative. Most of my understanding of craft is intuative so that works for me. Now I can cary on a yarn craft and not feel like an ass for not being a knitter. I just wish someone had taught me when I was little. Imagine the strange concotions I could whip up with that kind of experience! I'll get there though. I can just imagine four years from now I'll be able to crochet all kinds of things and I'll be amazed that I was ever an akward beginner! I hope XD

A CERTAIN SIZE

I'm officially back to a size 13! That might sound big to some of you but keep in mind that I'm 5'11" and very broad in the hips. I have them baby birthing hips y'all. Mmmmm.

What was I saying? Oh right, size 13. Yeah. I had some problems with my weight, mostly due to being a depressed sack of shit. The depression was resolved and the weight started coming off. Yoga helped a lot. Since January I've lost probably 20 pounds. Over the course of my senior year I've lost something like 30 pounds (as long as I'm not all bloaty from monthly woman problems). I fit into size 13 pants again and I'm fucking thrilled! I went to Nordstrom today on the bus and damn did it feel good to buy pants there. So effing good. I got a little emotional. Losing weight is really, really nice. I'm really proud of myself for kicking the depression and getting off my ass.

The great part is that I never stopped eating candy or potato chips. I eat lots of junk food! I don't eat big portions though. And I usually have about two meals a day with some snacking in between. No dieting for me! All it took was being happy and doing yoga. I love yoga!