I'M NOT MAD I'M JUST DISAPPOINTED

Dog 'stache!

One of the nurses my mom works with made a custom order! I got to paint a horse for the first time and I'm actually pretty proud of the way it turned out. Especially considering that the space I had to work with is pretty small and the brush I had to use was NOT the one I would have preferred. I'll snap some pictures before I send it out tomorrow! It's going to be a Christmas present for a 6 year old. I hope she'll love it.

I've got a gallon resin coming in the mail on Thursday! That's pretty freaking sweet. Also my mother is sending me a whole box of yarn, my ski boots, and some cash to do my Christmas shopping with. I'm so grateful I have a family that helps and cares. This might seem a little weird but I really appreciate that my mother is perfectly OK with giving me money to buy her a Christmas present. I do hope that this is the last year I'll have to spend someone else's money for Christmas. It means a lot that she understand how tight money is, but that I still want to give presents. I just wish I had enough yarn to make everyone in my family hats or something. I need to buy something for my friend who's coming to visit right after Christmas! I want to get her something that really reminds me of her. I'll do some looking as soon as I have a little $$.

Jon has asked me not to bake anything for a bit. He doesn't like having tempting yummies around the house all the time and I understand why. He lost 100lbs in a year and he doesn't want the temptation of cupcakes and brownies all the time. So I'm gonna cool it with the sweets. I should make some bread or something instead! I'll go back to baking sweets when my friend is here and we can pig out on cupcakes!

A pretty serious bitchfest follows so I want to keep that a little more optional...

THE STORY SO FAR

Things have been going pretty well in my new life for this first week. I've been making things every day, feeling very productive. Today was about taking pictures and editing them. I'm gonna do some crocheting after this post too. I even ordered an entire gallon of resin! That should keep me busy for a little while.

I sold another necklace today and that made me feel really good. Sure, my Etsy sales are only up to 5 but that's better than 0 by at least 5 :D Yeah. Five sales without any kind of promoting or community involvement isn't so terrible. The people who do make it big with little to no self promotion are rare animals. I shouldn't feel bad for not being one. In a super saturated market like Etsy it's nearly impossible to be noticed without DOING something to get noticed. So I'm gonna do lots of stuff. Once I have 100 items in my shop I'm gonna start sending out emails to blogs to see if they want to feature me. I've also been playing around with the idea of emailing some semi-celebrity types I admire (Audrey Kitching, Raquel Reed, Twinkiechan, etc...) to see if they might want a free necklace/ring/hairclip whatever. That's probably a stretch. I'm sure those kinds of girls have people sending them all kinds of shit all the time but who knows. It might be worth a try? The worst they can do is say no and tell me to get lost I suppose. Being told no, being rejected, still seems pretty scary. I just have to remember that so many successful people had to hear no a billion times before they heard yes. But that one yes is so much more important that all those no's. That needs to be my mantra or something!

So here's what I've been working on so far:

★ Resin, resin, resin!

★ Cute diagonal color block cowl

★ Taking pictures/editing pictures

★ CUPCAKES!!! (I made awesome orange cupcakes today!!

★ Pan frying different things. First was chicken, I tried pan fried shrimp. Both were AMAZING! Thanks Alton Brown for teaching me how to pan fry!

★ Keeping the house clean so that Jon comes home to a comfortable space that he can relax in after work/class. If any hardcore feminists are reading this I hope you understand that I don't do housework to please my man. I do it because my partner has a lot more on his plate than I do and it makes me feel good to help him relax. I never was very domestic but that's only because I had no idea how good it could feel to make another person happy when they're so busy and stressed out. /digression

★ Watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer because it's easy to work while watching something I've seen a billion times and it's like comfort food for me. ❤

★ WORRYING!! That's last on the list because I've been TRYING to do it the least. I still worry though. I worry about my boyfriend, I worry about taking this big chance by cutting my hours at work WAAAAY back and putting all my effort/time/money into this fledgeling business that could very well explode in my face. I'm not letting the fear of failure keep me from trying though. Man what happened to me? I never used to be this positive and upbeat! Let's hope it's a good thing and not a sign of a brain tumor or something ☠

NEW BEGINNINGS

Some things are about to change! I'm going to be telling my job that I'm only available to work Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday mornings. They can pick two of those days a week, or one, or none. This is so that I can devote the majority of my time to crafting! I'm not going to sit on my butt and hope that someone "discovers" me. I'm going to make things happen. It was very immature of me to hope that success would just happen to me. Sure, some people are very lucky and succeed instantly but most of us have to work our asses off so that's what I'm going to do! It's time to get involved!

I want crafting to be my business and not just a hobby type thing. I want my life to be about glitter, resin, yarn, crochet hooks, baking, etc.... Making money for a big company that doesn't appreciate my efforts or skills isn't what I went to art school for. I wanted to have the skills to make a modest living off what I love. What I love is making things.

I'm really looking forward to being a business woman, to getting my name and my work out there. I'm setting some goals for myself and I'm going to meet them.

For starters:
1) 100 individual pieces in my inventory
2) After 100 pieces it's time to send out emails to craft/fashion/whatever blogs that I enjoy asking if they would be interested in featuring my work
3) Keeping track of inventory, costs, customers
4) Applying to every craft fair I can find that I feel my work would fit into (probably not the "high class" type craft fairs that only stuffy rich people go to. I don't think they would be interested in glittery jewelry or colorful/cute hats)
5) Get active in the selling community! It's time to let Etsy know who I am and what I'm all about.
6) Eventually (and this will probably take some serious time), once I have a following, open a shop on my own where no percentage of my sales is taken out and there's no cost to list new items. (That's a major long term goal)

This is all going to take some time and some serious effort but after working at a job that I HATE I know it will be worth it. I want to answer to no one but myself. I want my time to be my own and I want a life I can be proud of. Making this work will also mean relocating will be much easier. If I have a successful internet business I can move wherever I want as long as my resin and my yarn go with me. I have a few concerns about going back to school for my MFA in a couple years AND trying to keep an internet business going (hopefully thriving by 2011) while doing masters work but I'll figure that out when I get there.

I got some new molds in the mail today! Three new heart molds because the last set all broke, a tie mold and a mustache mold. I'm excited to get started with them. Unfortunately there's not much I can do today because I have to work in a few hours and pouring resin can be an all day thing, even if most of the time is spent waiting for the resin to set up enough to embed. Tomorrow is a different story though! I'm gonna get busy and stay that way.

One last thing before I play a little World of Warcraft and then put on some eyeliner before work: I'm not sure Epoxy Upon You is the right name for me anymore? When the name was chosen I was ONLY making resin things, but now I'm branching out into crochet. I want a name that won't pigeonhole me. I need a name that will give me the freedom to branch out in the future and won't limit me to one medium. I do like Epoxy Upon You though. I still think it's funny. Who knows. I'll keep thinking about it and see what happens!

LAME

Gotta finish this hat! It needs a second ear flap and maybe a brim?

My cute little babies!

Some stuff I've been working on. Cupcakes, mini pies, afghan, hats... Also gratuitous cute animals picture!

I know I've been really slacking... I've let everything slide, from my resin pieces to work for my portfolio so I can apply to grad schools. I've been wallowing in this unhappy mire. It's not OK. Success doesn't come because you were sitting on your ass and it's time I realize that and get my act together. It's hard, I know, but sometimes you have to do the hard thing. The problem for me here is this: Just because I know how to fix the situation doesn't mean I'm motivated to do it. There is a possibility that I'll continue to sit on my ass and do nothing but make hats and work on this granny square afghan. While I'm still being productive it's not in the areas I should be. I need to be working on resin, I need to be coming up with new designs for jewelry. I need to work on pieces that I can actually be proud of and call art so that grad schools will want me. I want to be able to make a living from crafting and arting, not folding clothes and answering questions about return policies or if we have a public restroom (we don't). I want to be recognized for my hard work and talent, not my ability to sell gift cards. I want my life to matter. Right now I feel like it really doesn't. That sounds really angsty but it's true. I feel like I have no purpose, no meaning right now and it really depresses me.

I don't want much from life. I want to make a living off creativity. I want to be with Jon. I want to maybe squeeze out a couple kiddies and have a family. I don't need to be married, rich, kept... I just want to be loved and happy. So I guess it's time to try and make some of that happen for myself. The kids will have to wait until Jon and I have stable jobs and a steady income. I need to be out of school before I even think about having kids for real. It would be too much to have a new baby while still working on my MFA. Not to mention the fact that I usually work with some pretty toxic stuff (resin, oil paints, solvents) so that would be a bad thing to expose my pregnant self to.

What I'm saying is I want to work for myself. I want to be my own boss, make my own rules and be whoever I want to be without these 8 hour chunks of my life being taken over by The Man.

PLANS

Things are coming together finally. It looks like a sure thing that Jon and I are moving to Boston some time either during or before August. I would like to move at the beginning of August so that there's lots of time to get settled before his classes start. That doesn't mean we're actually going to do that though.

I'm leaving for Utah sometime in the second week of June. I'm gonna hang out there rent free for a couple months, hopefully get a job and save up. Maybe I can get a little job experience before Boston. I'm 24 and I've never had a job before. I guess in some ways that makes me very privileged but in a lot of ways it puts me at a huge disadvantage. Everywhere that's hiring wants experience and I have absolutely none. I'm sure that most of the jobs that want experience aren't really all that hard. I'm really very smart so I can't imagine that I would struggle at something like data entry, but they want experience anyway.

What I really want to do is make resin stuff and live off that, but my internet sales suck and I have no idea how to boost them. Don't get me wrong, I've sold lots of necklaces but it's all been through school. Friends and classmates were my biggest buyers. I got a lot of interest just wearing my stuff around campus. People would come up to me and ask questions, stuff like that. Now that I have business cards I can hand them out to people but school's over, so that's a bust. Anybody know a good way to self promote? I have this blog, I have Facebook and a link to my shop on there. Same with Myspace. I have a Flickr too, and DeviantArt. I never expected sales to just come rolling in with no effort on my part but I'm kinda shy on the internet because I tend to make an ass of myself.... Not really sure what to do.

I need to make some money and getting a real job seems like it's going to be more and more impossible. The job market doesn't seem to be improving. I'm just a little freaked out and worried about this is all. I'm worried that Jon and I are gonna move in together and I won't be able to find a job anywhere. I'm worried that Jon's gonna be spending all his time going to school and working and supporting me because I can't find any place willing to hire an artist with no job experience in any field. I know how to cast things, I know how to make up to a two part mold, and I know how to sew but not well enough to do it as a job. XP

Maybe everything will be fine....