ATTITUDE VS ACTION

Custom necklace for a 6 year old girl!

Cake or death?!

I've been having some panicky feelings lately about my little business. I'm trying really hard not to let the panic control me or my decisions. It can be SO hard though. Panicking comes pretty easily to me so it's been work to keep it from creeping in and ruining my positive outlook! My boyfriend tries to help but the way he goes about it can sometimes just upset me more. I was reading this article today and afterwards I said something like "I don't think I'll ever be making that kind of money". I didn't mean it to sound defeatist or like I was giving up but my boyfriend can be very black & white about things so he assumed I was just giving up. He then proceeded to give me a lecture about my attitude and how I was giving up before I even started. It really upset me, but when he gets like that there's NOTHING I can say to stop him. He believed that I was throwing in the towel just because I was having some worries and trying to be realistic. Sometimes I get so tired of him refusing to think about what might happen if things fail. And I don't just mean this little business. I mean anything. I NEED to have some sort of contingency plan in case things don't work out but no one seems to want to talk about that kind of stuff. As soon as I mention a worry I have about something not going the way I hope I feel like people give me the tired old "you just have to be positive" "you can't think that way" "you just have to keep working towards so-and-so".

I know that I need to stay positive and not give up. I'm going to keep plugging away and making new things and trying to reach out to people but I can't just pretend like I never get discouraged. I think what really matters is even when I'm not feeling awesome about life I'm still working at it. Isn't that what matters? A positive attitude will only get you as far as you're willing to work. I could be positive all day long about sitting on the couch and eating cookies, but I wouldn't get anywhere doing that. Why do I get attacked for not being the most upbeat person even though I'm still working, still trying, still wanting to make things move along? Attitude is important but ACTION is the real test, isn't it?

It seems, to me, like we place too much importance on attitude and not enough on action. Positive ACTION is what gets things done and causes change. WORKING for the better is so much more effective than being upbeat and hoping that your positive attitude will change the world. Shouldn't we all be allowed to have bad days as long as we don't let them interfere with our work ethic? Can't we be allowed to experience the full range of emotion without being labeled a sourpuss? Personally I would rather be able to truly appreciate the good days because I've been through the bad, experienced what unhappiness is so that I can fully understand what a gift it is to be happy. It becomes a problem when ALL you feel is bad, when nothing can make you smile and there's no cheering up for you. When things move from "I just feel off today" to being depressed most of the time then that's a deeper issue than attitude adjustment.

I'm not saying a positive attitude doesn't help facilitate getting things done, and everyone likes a positive person more than they like Eeyore. I just don't think it's realistic to expect someone to be positive every minute of every day. It puts a lot of strain on a person, having unrealistic expectations. It can be really hard when you're not feeling perky but you're afraid to let people down by showing it. I value transparency in a person. I wear my emotions on my sleeve and while that's not always a good thing for me socially it's not something I want to change about myself. Emotions are important, the bad just as much as the good. I like to feel anything. Feeling feels good, even if it feels bad.

What do you think internets? Anyone have a different opinion? How do you pull yourselves out of a funk? I try cupcakes and funny movies while snuggling with my boyfriend or my piggy dog. I would snuggle the kitten but he's usually too busy playing in the toilet or knocking shit over. :3

MORE NEW JEWELRY!

I just updated my Etsy shop with two new pieces! I've got some more waiting in the wings but I don't want to upload all the goodness at once. Gotta spread out the sugar consumption, yanno? check out the listings for more info on each! Here & Here

And now for some news: I've been SICK for the last three days! It BLOWS. It all started innocently enough with feeling a little dizzy and being all full of sneezes. It progressed to a full blown can't-breathe-head-hurts-gonna-die-nose-dripping-constantly viral ATTACK on my body. SUCKS! I'm starting to find my way out of the woods though. The congestion has moved from my head to my chest and I know I'll be coughing up all kinds of gross stuff any day now. I have that tight feeling like my lungs are stuffed full of mucus and it's getting in the way of oxygen. Not fun. But at least my nose has stopped leaking constantly! THIS IS IMPORTANT INFORMATION FOR YOU TO KNOW. Got it?

Thankfully I have an amazing boyfriend who made me tea and rubbed my very sore neck. He's been keeping me company while I've been couch bound. He hasn't even minded me whining and being all pathetic. It's so sweet and it's another of the many, many reasons I love him. Jon is a wonderful guy. So glad I have him! I would have been MISERABLE without him here. I was pretty unhappy and grouchy anyway but it would have been x1000 without my baby.

On a more random note our cat just turned one and he's been celebrating by being a jerk! He's always knocking shit over, chasing his tail as LOUDLY as possible and attacking the dog while she's sleeping. It's cute when he chases his tail but not at 4AM while crashing all around the house! He's also bee knocking things off the dresser/table/sink to bat them around on the floor. Always as loudly and early in the morning as possible. He's an evil little kitty. If he weren't so cute we would have turned him into kitty sausage by now!

Tomorrow we're going to our friend Jack's for football (BLEH! XP) and homemade chili (YUM)! Jack is a professional chef - and a good one - so it's sure to be some excellent chili. I'm going to be making cornbread to go with!

Speaking of baking I'm going to be making chocolate cookies with peanut butter and white chocolate chips. They're gonna be AWESOME! The cookie dough is chilling in the fridge. Once we're done dinner (which is salmon, fried shrimp, and mashed sweet potatoes, FUCK YEAH!!!) I'm gonna bake those bad boys up! :9 We always have such excellent food for two people who aren't trained in cooking or baking other than liking to eat! :9 :9 :9 :9

NEW SHIRT!

Danielle gave me this new shirt as a late birthday/Christmas present! It has a CUPCAKE! I love cupcakes! Threadless shirts are the freaking best!

She had three shirts for me to choose from and of course I went for the cake. That was pretty obvious no?

I'm staying with Danielle and her boyfriend Mike at their place in Denver for the week. No more Sarasota for me. I had to leave my Honeybear behind. He's gonna stay in SRQ for the next two months doing stuff and saving up so that we can get our own place in Boston come August.

After this week I'm going back to Utah to hang with my mom and 18 year old brother until August. Hopefully I can get a job, or make enough resin stuff to get me through. I'm hoping to sell some stuff around Moab. It's a neat little hippie town so I'm sure there will be people to sell to. I'll hand out business cards and talk to the local consignment shops. There are lots of funky little shops with handmade stuff. There are plenty of little girls who love pink things too. Or maybe I'll get a job at the gas station. Whatever happens I just want to be able to save some money for the big move and to put down money for a new house/appartment.

Being in Denver is making me really excited to live in a big city! Boston is going to be a great adventure. Mostly I'll be glad to be reuninted with Jon. We could be in Alaska for all I care. I just want to see my baby again!

PLANS

Things are coming together finally. It looks like a sure thing that Jon and I are moving to Boston some time either during or before August. I would like to move at the beginning of August so that there's lots of time to get settled before his classes start. That doesn't mean we're actually going to do that though.

I'm leaving for Utah sometime in the second week of June. I'm gonna hang out there rent free for a couple months, hopefully get a job and save up. Maybe I can get a little job experience before Boston. I'm 24 and I've never had a job before. I guess in some ways that makes me very privileged but in a lot of ways it puts me at a huge disadvantage. Everywhere that's hiring wants experience and I have absolutely none. I'm sure that most of the jobs that want experience aren't really all that hard. I'm really very smart so I can't imagine that I would struggle at something like data entry, but they want experience anyway.

What I really want to do is make resin stuff and live off that, but my internet sales suck and I have no idea how to boost them. Don't get me wrong, I've sold lots of necklaces but it's all been through school. Friends and classmates were my biggest buyers. I got a lot of interest just wearing my stuff around campus. People would come up to me and ask questions, stuff like that. Now that I have business cards I can hand them out to people but school's over, so that's a bust. Anybody know a good way to self promote? I have this blog, I have Facebook and a link to my shop on there. Same with Myspace. I have a Flickr too, and DeviantArt. I never expected sales to just come rolling in with no effort on my part but I'm kinda shy on the internet because I tend to make an ass of myself.... Not really sure what to do.

I need to make some money and getting a real job seems like it's going to be more and more impossible. The job market doesn't seem to be improving. I'm just a little freaked out and worried about this is all. I'm worried that Jon and I are gonna move in together and I won't be able to find a job anywhere. I'm worried that Jon's gonna be spending all his time going to school and working and supporting me because I can't find any place willing to hire an artist with no job experience in any field. I know how to cast things, I know how to make up to a two part mold, and I know how to sew but not well enough to do it as a job. XP

Maybe everything will be fine....