ATTITUDE VS ACTION

Custom necklace for a 6 year old girl!

Cake or death?!

I've been having some panicky feelings lately about my little business. I'm trying really hard not to let the panic control me or my decisions. It can be SO hard though. Panicking comes pretty easily to me so it's been work to keep it from creeping in and ruining my positive outlook! My boyfriend tries to help but the way he goes about it can sometimes just upset me more. I was reading this article today and afterwards I said something like "I don't think I'll ever be making that kind of money". I didn't mean it to sound defeatist or like I was giving up but my boyfriend can be very black & white about things so he assumed I was just giving up. He then proceeded to give me a lecture about my attitude and how I was giving up before I even started. It really upset me, but when he gets like that there's NOTHING I can say to stop him. He believed that I was throwing in the towel just because I was having some worries and trying to be realistic. Sometimes I get so tired of him refusing to think about what might happen if things fail. And I don't just mean this little business. I mean anything. I NEED to have some sort of contingency plan in case things don't work out but no one seems to want to talk about that kind of stuff. As soon as I mention a worry I have about something not going the way I hope I feel like people give me the tired old "you just have to be positive" "you can't think that way" "you just have to keep working towards so-and-so".

I know that I need to stay positive and not give up. I'm going to keep plugging away and making new things and trying to reach out to people but I can't just pretend like I never get discouraged. I think what really matters is even when I'm not feeling awesome about life I'm still working at it. Isn't that what matters? A positive attitude will only get you as far as you're willing to work. I could be positive all day long about sitting on the couch and eating cookies, but I wouldn't get anywhere doing that. Why do I get attacked for not being the most upbeat person even though I'm still working, still trying, still wanting to make things move along? Attitude is important but ACTION is the real test, isn't it?

It seems, to me, like we place too much importance on attitude and not enough on action. Positive ACTION is what gets things done and causes change. WORKING for the better is so much more effective than being upbeat and hoping that your positive attitude will change the world. Shouldn't we all be allowed to have bad days as long as we don't let them interfere with our work ethic? Can't we be allowed to experience the full range of emotion without being labeled a sourpuss? Personally I would rather be able to truly appreciate the good days because I've been through the bad, experienced what unhappiness is so that I can fully understand what a gift it is to be happy. It becomes a problem when ALL you feel is bad, when nothing can make you smile and there's no cheering up for you. When things move from "I just feel off today" to being depressed most of the time then that's a deeper issue than attitude adjustment.

I'm not saying a positive attitude doesn't help facilitate getting things done, and everyone likes a positive person more than they like Eeyore. I just don't think it's realistic to expect someone to be positive every minute of every day. It puts a lot of strain on a person, having unrealistic expectations. It can be really hard when you're not feeling perky but you're afraid to let people down by showing it. I value transparency in a person. I wear my emotions on my sleeve and while that's not always a good thing for me socially it's not something I want to change about myself. Emotions are important, the bad just as much as the good. I like to feel anything. Feeling feels good, even if it feels bad.

What do you think internets? Anyone have a different opinion? How do you pull yourselves out of a funk? I try cupcakes and funny movies while snuggling with my boyfriend or my piggy dog. I would snuggle the kitten but he's usually too busy playing in the toilet or knocking shit over. :3

THE STORY SO FAR

Things have been going pretty well in my new life for this first week. I've been making things every day, feeling very productive. Today was about taking pictures and editing them. I'm gonna do some crocheting after this post too. I even ordered an entire gallon of resin! That should keep me busy for a little while.

I sold another necklace today and that made me feel really good. Sure, my Etsy sales are only up to 5 but that's better than 0 by at least 5 :D Yeah. Five sales without any kind of promoting or community involvement isn't so terrible. The people who do make it big with little to no self promotion are rare animals. I shouldn't feel bad for not being one. In a super saturated market like Etsy it's nearly impossible to be noticed without DOING something to get noticed. So I'm gonna do lots of stuff. Once I have 100 items in my shop I'm gonna start sending out emails to blogs to see if they want to feature me. I've also been playing around with the idea of emailing some semi-celebrity types I admire (Audrey Kitching, Raquel Reed, Twinkiechan, etc...) to see if they might want a free necklace/ring/hairclip whatever. That's probably a stretch. I'm sure those kinds of girls have people sending them all kinds of shit all the time but who knows. It might be worth a try? The worst they can do is say no and tell me to get lost I suppose. Being told no, being rejected, still seems pretty scary. I just have to remember that so many successful people had to hear no a billion times before they heard yes. But that one yes is so much more important that all those no's. That needs to be my mantra or something!

So here's what I've been working on so far:

★ Resin, resin, resin!

★ Cute diagonal color block cowl

★ Taking pictures/editing pictures

★ CUPCAKES!!! (I made awesome orange cupcakes today!!

★ Pan frying different things. First was chicken, I tried pan fried shrimp. Both were AMAZING! Thanks Alton Brown for teaching me how to pan fry!

★ Keeping the house clean so that Jon comes home to a comfortable space that he can relax in after work/class. If any hardcore feminists are reading this I hope you understand that I don't do housework to please my man. I do it because my partner has a lot more on his plate than I do and it makes me feel good to help him relax. I never was very domestic but that's only because I had no idea how good it could feel to make another person happy when they're so busy and stressed out. /digression

★ Watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer because it's easy to work while watching something I've seen a billion times and it's like comfort food for me. ❤

★ WORRYING!! That's last on the list because I've been TRYING to do it the least. I still worry though. I worry about my boyfriend, I worry about taking this big chance by cutting my hours at work WAAAAY back and putting all my effort/time/money into this fledgeling business that could very well explode in my face. I'm not letting the fear of failure keep me from trying though. Man what happened to me? I never used to be this positive and upbeat! Let's hope it's a good thing and not a sign of a brain tumor or something ☠

NEW BEGINNINGS

Some things are about to change! I'm going to be telling my job that I'm only available to work Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday mornings. They can pick two of those days a week, or one, or none. This is so that I can devote the majority of my time to crafting! I'm not going to sit on my butt and hope that someone "discovers" me. I'm going to make things happen. It was very immature of me to hope that success would just happen to me. Sure, some people are very lucky and succeed instantly but most of us have to work our asses off so that's what I'm going to do! It's time to get involved!

I want crafting to be my business and not just a hobby type thing. I want my life to be about glitter, resin, yarn, crochet hooks, baking, etc.... Making money for a big company that doesn't appreciate my efforts or skills isn't what I went to art school for. I wanted to have the skills to make a modest living off what I love. What I love is making things.

I'm really looking forward to being a business woman, to getting my name and my work out there. I'm setting some goals for myself and I'm going to meet them.

For starters:
1) 100 individual pieces in my inventory
2) After 100 pieces it's time to send out emails to craft/fashion/whatever blogs that I enjoy asking if they would be interested in featuring my work
3) Keeping track of inventory, costs, customers
4) Applying to every craft fair I can find that I feel my work would fit into (probably not the "high class" type craft fairs that only stuffy rich people go to. I don't think they would be interested in glittery jewelry or colorful/cute hats)
5) Get active in the selling community! It's time to let Etsy know who I am and what I'm all about.
6) Eventually (and this will probably take some serious time), once I have a following, open a shop on my own where no percentage of my sales is taken out and there's no cost to list new items. (That's a major long term goal)

This is all going to take some time and some serious effort but after working at a job that I HATE I know it will be worth it. I want to answer to no one but myself. I want my time to be my own and I want a life I can be proud of. Making this work will also mean relocating will be much easier. If I have a successful internet business I can move wherever I want as long as my resin and my yarn go with me. I have a few concerns about going back to school for my MFA in a couple years AND trying to keep an internet business going (hopefully thriving by 2011) while doing masters work but I'll figure that out when I get there.

I got some new molds in the mail today! Three new heart molds because the last set all broke, a tie mold and a mustache mold. I'm excited to get started with them. Unfortunately there's not much I can do today because I have to work in a few hours and pouring resin can be an all day thing, even if most of the time is spent waiting for the resin to set up enough to embed. Tomorrow is a different story though! I'm gonna get busy and stay that way.

One last thing before I play a little World of Warcraft and then put on some eyeliner before work: I'm not sure Epoxy Upon You is the right name for me anymore? When the name was chosen I was ONLY making resin things, but now I'm branching out into crochet. I want a name that won't pigeonhole me. I need a name that will give me the freedom to branch out in the future and won't limit me to one medium. I do like Epoxy Upon You though. I still think it's funny. Who knows. I'll keep thinking about it and see what happens!

WORKING FOR THE MAN

I work at Urban Outfitters now! The store I'm working at isn't actually open yet so we've been putting everything together, getting ready for opening day on October 1st. We put anti-theft tags on ALL the merchandise except things under $20. We had over 1000 boxes of clothing and accessories that had to be tagged. That took two full days! I am completely guilty of making a catalog in my head of all the things I want to buy with my massive 40% employee discount! Of course my first couple of paychecks will probably all go to paying rent/bills. Whatever I can save I want to put into finishing my shoulder tattoo. I probably won't be able to buy any clothes for a while. Maybe when they have employee appreciation and I can buy sale stuff at discounted prices. Woo!

I've been working 7 or 8 hour days and it's been really hard. I'm not used to being on my feet all day and my fingers ache from shoving pins through seams to attach the anti-theft tags. Every. Single. Piece of clothing had to have a pin shoved through the thickest part of the seam (to prevent people from just ripping the tag out and stealing the merchandise). It was not fun. Today we finished all that! Now we have to fold/hang everything up and either put it out on the sales floor or back into the stock room. That should be a little easier but who knows. It'll probably be just as grueling and tedious as everything else we've done. At least I'm getting paid! Not nearly enough, but it's money I don't have right now so I'm OK.

I really hope my back/feet get stronger or more used to this crap because I've been coming home in pain and unable to do more than sit and stare off into space until it's bed time. I feel like I can't enjoy my time at home. It sucks. Doesn't help that I have to ride my bike 3 miles to and from work. Coming home isn't so bad because it's mostly down hill (except for one part that I have to walk the bike because I'm not strong enough to ride for half a mile up hill!). Going to work is a bitch and I want to die for most of the ride. I get to work all sweaty and red faced, having almost been run over by at least 10 cars. It's really not fun and it's not the way you want to start an 8 hour work day! Taking the train would take an extra hour so it's not even really worth it. BLEH! Please let me get better at this whole thing! I want to come home and be able to function. I want to be able to bike up that hill instead of walking. I want to get into work not feeling like I want to die. Please?

NEW JOB AND NEW JEWELRY!

I GOT A JOB Y'ALL! Urban Outfitters called today and offered me a job as a sales associate. So I'll be folding clothes, helping people find sizes and styles and probably doing cashier stuff too. WHATEVER I don't care what they have me doing as long as I get paid and don't have to change my hair! I get to dress like myself, my tattoos can be showing all over the place, and my piercings can stay in! I'm so thrilled. And relieved!

Now on to the jewelry stuff! I've been working on some newer ideas and they've been turning out great! Two of my pieces have already sold. How exciting!! I've been feeling pretty inspired lately. It's awesome. I'm going to be experimenting with these basic ideas and hopefully something magical will blossom from the seeds I've planted. I made these three pieces by painting the back of a resin layer with acrylic paint, then adding glitter, then another layer of resin to hold it all together. They turned out better than I had imagined and I'm so pleased with that! I hope I can keep pushing these designs to newer and better places. While Jon is out doing his stuff for grad school I'm gonna be here making things! :D

PROBLEMS SOLVED

HUZZAH! That's me shouting with glee. I was having this weird problem see... A number of my resin pieces were coming out soft. By soft I mean SQUISHY soft. Totally not like resin should be at all. Resin is supposed to cure as hard as any other hard plastic. There's not supposed to be any squish to properly measured and mixed resin. I was measuring my resin properly! I was mixing it for the full four minutes, pouring from the first cup to the second in between. I was doing everything right and still some pieces were coming out soft. It didn't make any sense and I was getting really frustrated! Eventually most of my mixing cups broke so I bought a new batch of mixing cups.

The new cups came and after looking at them for two seconds I realized that the measuring markers were different on these cups. The line marking 1oz was in a different spot (higher up on the cup) on these cups than my old ones. To be honest with you Dianne, I was surprised. I had no notion that the reason my resin was coming out squishy might be because the cups THEMSELVES were wrong! Seriously, who buys a measuring cup with the thought or care that the actual measurements might be wrong?! I'm still kind of astounded. With the wrong measurements how could I ever mix resin properly? And it's not like just one cup was off. All of my cups were wrong. The only reason I ever got resin that wasn't totally sticky is because sometimes I accidentally over poured the amount of part A and didn't compensate properly for part B. Good thing I made that "mistake" otherwise every piece I ever made would have been totally squishtastic!

There weren't just any measuring cups either. They're meant specifically for resin casting. Everyone who has ever worked with resin even once knows that the measurements have to be as close to 1:1 as humanly possible. Defective cups make it a lot harder! Those cups are gone now though, so no more concerns about that. A whole batch of cups that were pretty much useless. Wow. I'm glad they started to break!

The new pieces I cast using the new mixing cups aren't even 72 hours old and they're rock hard. I'm really pleased about that. It's also really good to know that I wasn't fucking up somehow. I was actually kind of embarrassed about the whole thing. I thought I was screwing up somehow, that people would think I was an amateur. I'm really glad to know that it wasn't me, that it was something totally beyond my control that I had no hand it whatsoever. Good things to know! Now I can get back to casting without worry...

At least until I have to pack everything up and go to Utah. I have no idea how I'm gonna cast stuff in 107º heat. Resin needs to be at about 75º to work and we don't actually have any a/c in the middle of the freaking DESERT. Yeah, my mother is insane. No, I'm not looking forward to sweating my tits off and being thirsty 24/7 but I go anyway. Anyone have a blindfold and a cigarette?