DILEMMA

I had this friend in college who turned out to not really be my friend. There are a lot of reasons why I stopped talking to her but the biggest and most important one is that she was exceedingly manipulative. She used everyone she came into contact with in some way or another. She used me for money and validation mostly. I think she saw me as this weak girl with a low self image that she could take advantage of. She used me for money, she used me for pot, she used me to feel better about herself.

Once I finally stopped taking Prozac and woke up from my stupor I realized what was actually going on pretty quickly. Without the fog of an SSRI in my system I realized that she had been kinda awful throughout our entire time being friends. I wasn't about to subject myself to that crap anymore.

The final straw was an incident with a mutual friend that wasn't really important at all. It was the WAY my ex-friend handled the situation that made me want to walk away. I realized that she was the kind of person with no morals of her own. She would mold herself to suite the situation and the people in the room at the time. If the people in the room thought doing this one kind of thing was wrong or bad so did she, but as soon as those people left and she was with a different group her values changed completely. I am of the opinion that it's never OK to hit someone. Not ever. She is of the opinion that it would be too much trouble to get involved if a friend is being abused or if one friend hits another unprovoked because it's not "her business". That kind of bullshit doesn't sit right with me or Jon.

Speaking of Jon, he saw a lot of what happened between this friend and I. Let me say that Jon isn't the kind of person who sides with you just because you're his friend/girlfriend. If you're fucking up he's gonna let you know no matter who you are or what relationship you have with him. That's one of he reasons I like him so much. Honesty matters to me! In this case Jon was on my side because I was in the right. My friendship and loyalty were being abused by this girl and he didn't think that was OK. Not just because I'm his girlfriend but because you shouldn't treat people like I was being treated. Not ever. You just don't do it. So I cut all ties with this girl and never really looked back. It wasn't a malicious thing towards her, it was about saving myself from future grief. If I had stayed friends with this girl and continued to let her abuse our friendship that would have been MY fault for not getting out while I could. So I did.

Now she's sent me this message of Facebook demanding an apology and wanting to know why I "dumped her for my new boyfriend". It was a very telling message. This girl still thinks the world owes her. She thinks that I owe her my life for being friends with me. I don't think I owe her a thing, and if I ever did at any point that debt would have been paid after the hundreds and hundreds of dollars I spent keeping us stoned for the last 2 years. I'm not exaggerating either. Pot costs $$, she didn't have any to spend on pot. She sure as hell expected me to share mine with her though. She would go on and on about how she would repay me next time she bought weed but she never did. When she actually had pot it was the gross kind that gives you headaches. But I wasn't about to not share. I had weed and I didn't want to sit at home like a jerk and smoke it all alone. That's not fun!

It turns out I would rather not smoke at all than be taken advantage of like that. Anyway, I digress. The bottom line is I don't owe this girl an apology for finally sticking up for myself and realized I deserve more than to be used and abused in the guise of friendship. I'll never apologize for dropping her like an old bag of moldy tangerines.*

*I will make you cookies if you get that reference.

WORKING FOR THE MAN

I work at Urban Outfitters now! The store I'm working at isn't actually open yet so we've been putting everything together, getting ready for opening day on October 1st. We put anti-theft tags on ALL the merchandise except things under $20. We had over 1000 boxes of clothing and accessories that had to be tagged. That took two full days! I am completely guilty of making a catalog in my head of all the things I want to buy with my massive 40% employee discount! Of course my first couple of paychecks will probably all go to paying rent/bills. Whatever I can save I want to put into finishing my shoulder tattoo. I probably won't be able to buy any clothes for a while. Maybe when they have employee appreciation and I can buy sale stuff at discounted prices. Woo!

I've been working 7 or 8 hour days and it's been really hard. I'm not used to being on my feet all day and my fingers ache from shoving pins through seams to attach the anti-theft tags. Every. Single. Piece of clothing had to have a pin shoved through the thickest part of the seam (to prevent people from just ripping the tag out and stealing the merchandise). It was not fun. Today we finished all that! Now we have to fold/hang everything up and either put it out on the sales floor or back into the stock room. That should be a little easier but who knows. It'll probably be just as grueling and tedious as everything else we've done. At least I'm getting paid! Not nearly enough, but it's money I don't have right now so I'm OK.

I really hope my back/feet get stronger or more used to this crap because I've been coming home in pain and unable to do more than sit and stare off into space until it's bed time. I feel like I can't enjoy my time at home. It sucks. Doesn't help that I have to ride my bike 3 miles to and from work. Coming home isn't so bad because it's mostly down hill (except for one part that I have to walk the bike because I'm not strong enough to ride for half a mile up hill!). Going to work is a bitch and I want to die for most of the ride. I get to work all sweaty and red faced, having almost been run over by at least 10 cars. It's really not fun and it's not the way you want to start an 8 hour work day! Taking the train would take an extra hour so it's not even really worth it. BLEH! Please let me get better at this whole thing! I want to come home and be able to function. I want to be able to bike up that hill instead of walking. I want to get into work not feeling like I want to die. Please?

MORE NEW JEWELRY!

I just updated my Etsy shop with two new pieces! I've got some more waiting in the wings but I don't want to upload all the goodness at once. Gotta spread out the sugar consumption, yanno? check out the listings for more info on each! Here & Here

And now for some news: I've been SICK for the last three days! It BLOWS. It all started innocently enough with feeling a little dizzy and being all full of sneezes. It progressed to a full blown can't-breathe-head-hurts-gonna-die-nose-dripping-constantly viral ATTACK on my body. SUCKS! I'm starting to find my way out of the woods though. The congestion has moved from my head to my chest and I know I'll be coughing up all kinds of gross stuff any day now. I have that tight feeling like my lungs are stuffed full of mucus and it's getting in the way of oxygen. Not fun. But at least my nose has stopped leaking constantly! THIS IS IMPORTANT INFORMATION FOR YOU TO KNOW. Got it?

Thankfully I have an amazing boyfriend who made me tea and rubbed my very sore neck. He's been keeping me company while I've been couch bound. He hasn't even minded me whining and being all pathetic. It's so sweet and it's another of the many, many reasons I love him. Jon is a wonderful guy. So glad I have him! I would have been MISERABLE without him here. I was pretty unhappy and grouchy anyway but it would have been x1000 without my baby.

On a more random note our cat just turned one and he's been celebrating by being a jerk! He's always knocking shit over, chasing his tail as LOUDLY as possible and attacking the dog while she's sleeping. It's cute when he chases his tail but not at 4AM while crashing all around the house! He's also bee knocking things off the dresser/table/sink to bat them around on the floor. Always as loudly and early in the morning as possible. He's an evil little kitty. If he weren't so cute we would have turned him into kitty sausage by now!

Tomorrow we're going to our friend Jack's for football (BLEH! XP) and homemade chili (YUM)! Jack is a professional chef - and a good one - so it's sure to be some excellent chili. I'm going to be making cornbread to go with!

Speaking of baking I'm going to be making chocolate cookies with peanut butter and white chocolate chips. They're gonna be AWESOME! The cookie dough is chilling in the fridge. Once we're done dinner (which is salmon, fried shrimp, and mashed sweet potatoes, FUCK YEAH!!!) I'm gonna bake those bad boys up! :9 We always have such excellent food for two people who aren't trained in cooking or baking other than liking to eat! :9 :9 :9 :9

NEW JOB AND NEW JEWELRY!

I GOT A JOB Y'ALL! Urban Outfitters called today and offered me a job as a sales associate. So I'll be folding clothes, helping people find sizes and styles and probably doing cashier stuff too. WHATEVER I don't care what they have me doing as long as I get paid and don't have to change my hair! I get to dress like myself, my tattoos can be showing all over the place, and my piercings can stay in! I'm so thrilled. And relieved!

Now on to the jewelry stuff! I've been working on some newer ideas and they've been turning out great! Two of my pieces have already sold. How exciting!! I've been feeling pretty inspired lately. It's awesome. I'm going to be experimenting with these basic ideas and hopefully something magical will blossom from the seeds I've planted. I made these three pieces by painting the back of a resin layer with acrylic paint, then adding glitter, then another layer of resin to hold it all together. They turned out better than I had imagined and I'm so pleased with that! I hope I can keep pushing these designs to newer and better places. While Jon is out doing his stuff for grad school I'm gonna be here making things! :D

JOB HUNT

I'm on the hunt for a job. I've applied a bunch of places so far but I haven't heard anything back yet. It blows. I've had a group interview at Bath & Body Works that went fine. It's part time and not a job I really want. Especially since I'll have to buy a pair of pants and a long sleeve shirt to cover my tattoos. I'll have to wear pants and a long sleeves EVER DAY I work there. I'll also have to take my two facial piercings out and wash/bleach out the purple in my hair. That was almost a deal breaker for me. I'm so desperate that I can't really turn anything down if they want me but it sucks so hard that I'll have to totally change my appearance just for this one place. A part time place. A place I really don't actually want to work for.

I went to a job fair for a new Urban Outfitters that's opening up in the same complex as the Bath & Body. They did a little impromptu group interview and I did really well out of the group. Jon went with me. We're both in need of jobs. It was really nice to have him there. I felt more confident. I think I like group interviews better because it's a lot easier to gauge how well you're doing, at least compared to the other people in the group. Jon and I were the best, but then I'm pretty biased. I would much rather work for Urban because they actually encourage their employees to be individuals. I wouldn't have to change myself to fit some stupid model.

I think it's really silly that a lot of places want all their employees to look exactly the same. Doesn't it get boring? I don't want to blend in, to disappear in a sea of workers who are wearing the exact same clothes, who have the exact same hair. I'll wear a uniform, I'll wear khaki pants and a white collared shirt, but let me keep my tattoos visible! Let me dye my hair fun colors, let me keep my piercings for fuck's sake! Let me be me! I don't want to be another corporate robot that can be replaced in an instant by someone else who looks exactly the same.

I didn't go to art school so I could blend in with the crowd! I want to stand out, I want to be unique. I want to be bold, loud, colorful, and creative! It feels so wrong to contemplate changing so much about me for a stupid part time job that I don't REALLY want. It sucks that I'll take the job and do the changing because I need a job so desperately.

Please call me back UO! Please, someone, give me a chance to prove that just because I have purple hair, tattoos, colorful clothes, and piercings doesn't mean I can't sell the shit out of your product. Give me a chance and don't ask me to look like everyone else. Please!