Bye Bye Bloggie

This blog is now on hiatus. I haven't worked with resin in months and it's probably going to stay that way. The jewelry thing was fun and I have a pretty nifty collection of stuff to wear now but I'm not going to sell any more. It's time to focus on the road to graduate school. I'm about to start applying to programs for 2011. I have a blog dedicated more to art type stuff: http://cynthiaburton.blogspot.com. I'm working on mixing two crafts, baking and crocheting, into new artwork. These two things have really consumed me since last summer. I learned to bake and crochet while marooned at my mother's house out in the Utah desert last summer. I was staying with her for a few months before moving out to Mass with my boyfriend. I was so bored and miserable out at my mother's place that I took up two new crafts in the hopes of keeping busy. I've learned so much about both crochet and baking. I think they saved my life. I don't think I would have made it through that summer if I hadn't found something to keep my brain busy. I was spending most of my time laying in bed wanting to cry because I had no one to talk to, my boyfriend was thousands of miles away and I felt like I had no future.

I want to honor these skills and the impact they had on my life through art. My biggest problem right now is that I  lack a space to display/assemble these ideas I'm having. I'm really excited for graduate school because that will give me the space and resources I need to make the work that's been bouncing around in my head for the last couple months.

It's time to move on to the next stage of my life and I can't wait for it to get here!

FEELING BLAH

I've been really blah and unhappy lately. I haven't been able to make enough money selling jewelry to fund my half of our expenses, not even close, and so have been looking for a new regular job. I'm not happy about it. The idea of spending that much time and energy on something I don't care about really gets me down. I don't have a choice though. I can't expect Jon to shoulder all the costs of living with his student loans and per diem job at the mental health clinic. My family is helping with money but my mother is constantly complaining that she's broke so I don't expect much help from her. Everything my family does is very helpful monetarily. They're not the most pleasant bunch if you need emotional support but when it comes to money they can be helpful.

I'm not having any more luck finding a new job than I was selling jewelry. Actually I'd say I'm having more luck with the jewelry even though I've only made one sale in the last couple months. I've come to accept that only a very few people want my jewelry. There are so many resin artists on Etsy and most of them make more interesting stuff than I do. I can't compete. The resin thing just isn't working so it's time to pack it up and move on. I'm trying to put my efforts towards building a portfolio for graduate school but it's hard not to feel depressed over my failure. I was so excited to start making jewelry full time but it's so hard to maintain that level of excitement when you're losing money and no one is interested in what you're doing. It's really hard not to take something like that personally and it really messed with my head. I've been feeling worthless and directionless for a while. It's really hard to sit at home while my boyfriend goes to work, class, and his internship. He's building a career and I'm sitting on my ass looking for a part time job that I don't want in a place I don't like. So far our relationship hasn't suffered but I can't say I'm not even a little bit resentful. He's on his way to bigger and better things and I'm sitting around waiting until it's my turn to go to graduate school.

My mood is made more sour because my electronics keep breaking. My DSLR broke when we moved here. My computer's battery crapped out a couple months ago and now the computer itself is breaking down. Slowly but steadily it's losing function. Now it's making this awful grinding sound when I boot it up and I have no idea what's causing it. All I know is I can't afford to fix it or replace is without help. I've asked or help from my grandparents and mother to buy a new computer for my birthday this March. I've gotten a very wishy-washy "I'll talk to your grandmother about it" from my mother. Nothing more concrete than that. Every time I start my computer I expect it to refuse to boot up. It's not long for this world and the idea of not having a computer is pretty scary in a world where everything requires a computer. I have my iPhone for simple internet things like checking email and searching for simple things on the internet but I can't download applications to schools on my phone. My little notebook mouse just crapped out too so now I can't even distract myself with World of Warcraft. I'm feeling very what's the point of it all these days. Applying to grad school for 2011 seems very far away and it hasn't been enough to sustain me. I'm stuck in a rut and I don't know how to get out. It doesn't seem like any amount of positive thinking is helping me. I can't seem to force my brain into happy thoughts while I sit here and waste two years of my life in Massachusetts.

IT'S RANT TIME!!

I've talked about this a lot, because it's something I feel very passionate about. I'm going to talk about it more because it just keeps happening. No one seems to learn. Rantiness follows the jump.

OH VACATION

I'm back from a four day romp in NYC! Two friends from out of town were visiting over New Years and we had a big NYC adventure planned. Good times were had by all. I really enjoyed shopping in Brooklyn. Thrift stores are your friend! Brooklyn was my favorite part. We only spent the one day in Brooklyn which I was sad about. If I decided to go to NYC for graduate school I'll want to live in Brooklyn for sure. It's (mostly) more affordable and I like the atmosphere better. The streets are wider, the buildings shorter, less crowded. You're not constantly getting bumped into by tourists who can't walk and stare at the big buildings at the same time. Brooklyn is the place for me!

Manhattan was cool too, don't get me wrong. You can't MOVE though. People are always standing around in the middle of the side walk, gaping at things or yelling on their cell phones. There's always someone in your way in Manhattan. At least in the parts we were walking around. There are probably more mellow parts of the island but we didn't find any of them.

Next time I go I just want to explore. There's so much to discover in New York! The city is designed to take a lot of money from people who don't know any better and we sure didn't! I want to find the good places to shop/eat/play that don't cost an arm and a leg. I know there are lots because people do have to live in the city on budgets. There are lots of poor, low income, and middle class people who live in New York. I want to find the places they do their every day things. Mostly I want to experience what it's like to live there for myself.

I was hoping to see more weirdos! Maybe the cold keeps them covered up in their wool coats. I know I was bundled up and couldn't show my true colors until I found an awesome mustard yellow and red plaid coat for $18.50 at Buffalo Exchange! The first two days in the city were spent wearing my grandmother's old coat. It's nice and warm but it's totally shapeless. There are trash bags out there with more shape to them! I was really excited to find the new coat because it has a shape to it! I felt much sassier in my new coat! I just don't feel myself if I'm not wearing something bold and colorful. As much as I get annoyed when people stare at me I would feel much more uncomfortable if I wore all black and grey. I would rather deal with ignorant people who can't appreciate bright colors and bold patterns than dress to disappear.

ANYWAY! I really liked being in the city. We had good times, we ate AWESOME pizza and Thai food (Tom Yum noodle soup!) and did some very fun shopping. I got a new tube of Urban Decay Primer Potion (which I love) because my old tube was all dried out and almost totally empty. Very glad to have that particular beauty basic. Wearing eyeshadow before having the PP was such a waste!

This post is such a mishmash. I'll make another one in the next few days about some items I've received in the mail that will really change the look of my Etsy shop for the better! I'm still waiting on a few items to arrive but I have enough to get started and I can't wait to get back to work! I have so many ideas floating around in the ol' head. There's so much more to come!