Sunday, August 9, 2009


I haven't been doing much of anything out here. It's like being marooned on a deserted island. I see about as many people as you would see on a desolate little island in the middle of the pacific and there's about as much to do. So I sit, I read, I do stupid stuff online. I ran out of pink yarn so I can't finish the scarf I was working on. It's too hot to cast any resin. Thank goodness for the Harry Potter books or I'd be a pathetic blob of pudding sobbing on my bed.

It takes so much WORK not to go totally nuts. Being bored is getting on the express train to Crazy Town. Having nothing to keep you occupied while you worry about stuff you can't do anything about isn't healthy. I've had way too much time to think about everything and that leads to doubting myself and other people in my life. Most of me knows that it's temporary, it'll be over forever once I get to Boston. There's this little part of me that keeps saying that I'll never get there. This little, evil, nagging voice keeps telling me that things will be different between Jon and I. That I can't trust him. I keep having to fight down this feeling that he's sick of me. I don't know if it's because having a relationship over the phone is one of the hardest (and worst) things to do... Or maybe I'm sick of myself - and feeling like this - so I expect everyone else to hate my attitude too. I know I haven't been easy to listen to. I know it's hard to be Jon in this situation. He can't help me at all accept by finding us a house, and he's working on that.

I just can't shake these yucky feelings that everything is wrong. All I can do is hope that I'll feel better once I'm not in Moab Utah anymore.

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